tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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