Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
