a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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