I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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