wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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