The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
