the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
