it's too hot outside to masturbate.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
