There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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