No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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