I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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