im about as happy as oj after his trial
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
