8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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