Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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