giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize