i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize