Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
