Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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