I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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