i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize