I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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