dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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