Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
