just tell him i said nine months
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize