I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
