my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
