dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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