So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
