She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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