just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
