Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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