the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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