i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize