You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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