He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
