DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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