I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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