I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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