Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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