After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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