I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
