thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
