I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
