I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
