Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
as a side note pls kill me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
