I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i think my cat just said my name.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize