at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
