I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
