I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
