tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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