oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
