he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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