so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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