You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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