Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I understand Curling. That high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
