I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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