I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
and you fell through a lawn chair
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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