Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
