Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
