i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
