Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
