chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
