My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
