Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
