My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
