Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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