it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
