he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
