I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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