i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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