i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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