I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
