you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
